The Destructive Effects of Anger
Shannon Mumford, of Daybreak Counseling Service blogged earlier this week ...
Imagine if four men overpowered a woman (of easy virtue), tortured her, and applied crazy glue to her "sensitive parts." Nobody would snicker. It would be an outrage, an example of how dangerous men can be.
What’s deeply saddening about this tale is that many readers snicker at the "poetic justice" inflicted upon the male. In reality, nothing has been solved. The wronged women have not changed their situation any. In fact, they went from being taken advantage of (perhaps) to perpetrating a violent assault.
How much better the situation would have been if they had learned about assertive communication and emotional intelligence. Instead of committing multiple felonies and being left with that unsettled gnawing that vengeance leaves in one’s heart, they could have taken the high road, regained their power, and not run afoul of the law.
What strategies might these ladies have availed themselves of?
1. Active Listening: Active listening would have helped the women process their feelings of betrayal, foolishness, etc. It would have allowed each of the women to support the others, and in doing so, there would have been some emotional healing. Each would have had the opportunity to recognize that they didn't have to "go it alone."
2. Assertive Communication: Using the skills of assertive communication, each of the women could have expressed their feelings to the man, as well as set boundaries.
3. Assertiveness: Taking an assertive stance to set and maintain boundaries would have allowed the women to make their lives safer and more whole. Techniques such as "Verbal Judo" or "Broken Record" or changing the locks would be included here.
4. Stress Management: Discovering that your beloved has been multiply unfaithful must be extremely stressful. Rather than lashing out — and creating more problems and more stress — it is helpful to use stress management techniques such as gentle exercise, listening to relaxing music, or meditation to reduce the stress level and susceptability to anger.
5. Focused Journaling: Doing an ABCD anger log entry, would help identify the beliefs that made the situation worse.
6. Using the Anger Pyramid: Using the Anger Pyramid to identify the negative primary emotions beneath the anger as well as the unmet emotional needs beneath those feelings would have allowed the women to deal with the upset from this event without violating the law.
The moral of the story? Don’t get mad, get anger management!
A married Wisconsin man who was also dating three women at the same time was busted by the ladies and subsequently tortured for his poor relationship skills.As humorus as this may sound (with an element of "poetic justice," perhaps), it was actually a vicious assault.
When the three women found out they were all being cheated on by the same man, they devised a plan to trick the man into coming to a motel room, being bound and blindfolded, and given a massage.
Unfortunately this supposed massage turned into a torture game where the three women put Krazy Glue on his “sensitive parts,” says ABC News.
Imagine if four men overpowered a woman (of easy virtue), tortured her, and applied crazy glue to her "sensitive parts." Nobody would snicker. It would be an outrage, an example of how dangerous men can be.
What’s deeply saddening about this tale is that many readers snicker at the "poetic justice" inflicted upon the male. In reality, nothing has been solved. The wronged women have not changed their situation any. In fact, they went from being taken advantage of (perhaps) to perpetrating a violent assault.
How much better the situation would have been if they had learned about assertive communication and emotional intelligence. Instead of committing multiple felonies and being left with that unsettled gnawing that vengeance leaves in one’s heart, they could have taken the high road, regained their power, and not run afoul of the law.
What strategies might these ladies have availed themselves of?
1. Active Listening: Active listening would have helped the women process their feelings of betrayal, foolishness, etc. It would have allowed each of the women to support the others, and in doing so, there would have been some emotional healing. Each would have had the opportunity to recognize that they didn't have to "go it alone."
2. Assertive Communication: Using the skills of assertive communication, each of the women could have expressed their feelings to the man, as well as set boundaries.
3. Assertiveness: Taking an assertive stance to set and maintain boundaries would have allowed the women to make their lives safer and more whole. Techniques such as "Verbal Judo" or "Broken Record" or changing the locks would be included here.
4. Stress Management: Discovering that your beloved has been multiply unfaithful must be extremely stressful. Rather than lashing out — and creating more problems and more stress — it is helpful to use stress management techniques such as gentle exercise, listening to relaxing music, or meditation to reduce the stress level and susceptability to anger.
5. Focused Journaling: Doing an ABCD anger log entry, would help identify the beliefs that made the situation worse.
6. Using the Anger Pyramid: Using the Anger Pyramid to identify the negative primary emotions beneath the anger as well as the unmet emotional needs beneath those feelings would have allowed the women to deal with the upset from this event without violating the law.
The moral of the story? Don’t get mad, get anger management!
posted by John Elder, MFT at 12:46
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