Anger Words: Rankle

ran⋅kle

–verb (used without object)
1. (of unpleasant feelings, experiences, etc.) to continue to cause keen irritation or bitter resentment within the mind; fester; be painful.
–verb (used with object)
2. to cause keen irritation or bitter resentment in: His colleague's harsh criticism rankled him for days.

Rankle comes to us through a long and twisted path. Our story begins in the Latin, with the word "dracō," meaning "serpent," from which our English word "dragon" descends.

The diminutive form is "dracunculus," meaning little serpent. Closely related to this is the Old French "draoncle," meaning "a festering sore." The verb draoncler, "to fester," was then formed in Old French, with an alternate form of the word, "rancler." Middle English borrowed "rancle" and "ranclen," as noun and verb, respectively.

Again, the history of a word teaches us a great deal. The word "rankle," with its sense of irritation, resentment, or bitterness reminds us of the venom in anger. "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other guy to die." (Malachy McCourt). Holding on to our right to be angry, our right to resent others, is just like holding onto a venomous viper, which keeps on biting us, leaving putrefying sores in our psyche.

An old trick from 12-step programs is to pray for those whom you resent. Pray for them to have the good things and blessings that you desire. If you don't believe in prayer, thinking of them and wishing for them to experience good things that they will enjoy may work the same way.

Using the ABCD anger log process is a way of determining how you are judging the object of your resentment and to begin to consciously reshape your thought process.

anger words, rankle, anger, anger management

Teaching as Improv

My sister, Cheri Gregory, writes in her blog, One Thing I've Learned:

But it’s the way of handling “errors” that draws me post powerfully to improv as a metaphor for teaching. When there’s dissonance, when things don’t go quite as expected, when a new idea flops, or when I misread a situation, none of these errors is deemed a failure.

In the paradigm of improv, errors are considered "competent mistakes."

And there is a world of difference (at least for me!) between being a failure and being a maker of competent mistakes.

What might this have to do with anger management and teaching anger management classes? I encourage you to read the three-part article, it certainly has direct bearing on how we teach.

But there's a meta-lesson in this as well. When we strive for the “perfection” found in the classical paradigm (go read the article already), we are never perfect enough, nor is anybody around us. Disappointed at ourselves, we lash out at the imperfections of others. When we live life with rigid expectations, we set ourselves up to be disappointed, shamed, and angry.

When we live our lives as improv, however, we notice our mistakes, and work them into our improvisation. We compose as we go. We strive for harmony, for fluidity, but we own our dissonance.

And when we're flexible, instead of raging at somebody who has "screwed up," we can riff off them, working with them to co-create something new.

I'm off to listen to Miles Davis ...

teaching, anger management, perfection, improvisation, harmony

Five Steps to Curb Workplace Anger

Gregory Kyles, at the Anger Management Institute of Texas wrote an article about workplace anger recently. he distilled a list of five steps to curb workplace anger:

Steps to curb Workplace Anger: Managers should be cognizant of the first signs of aggression. Absenteeism, late-coming, tardiness and deterioration in performance are some warning signals.
• Organizations should invest in Anger Management Programs at regular intervals to enable employees to express feelings and release pent-up emotions.
• One-to-one sessions with employees should take place regularly even when no problems are apparent. This helps prevent any lurking anger issues that may blow up later.
• Active listening and conversations in informal settings should be encouraged to make people feel at ease and open up.
• Proper systems for complaints and grievances must be established. Every complaint must be dealt with within a specified time frame.
• If an employee has to be terminated, it has to be done as civilly as possible. They should not be made to feel small and humiliated.

Let's consider these steps:

1. Invest in Anger Management: The skills of anger management, emotional intelligence, assertive communication, and stress management will help any employee to work more productively. Adding anger awareness for employees whose attitude or behavior is getting out of line is also useful. Large corporations may want to train their human resources or employee assistance professionals to provide these trainings in regular workplace classes or workshops.



2. One-on-one Sessions: Ideally, supervisors and management would have developed emotional intelligence and communications skills to be a helping person for their direct reports. Unfortunately, however, management is often a serious contributor to morale and anger problems. Bringing in an outside professional to assess work units, teams, and project groups can go a long way towards helping companies avoid not just violent outbursts of rage, but also passive-aggressive slow-downs by aggrieved employees.


3. Active Listening: According to a Kaiser Permanente internal document, employees are most motivated by a) being appreciated, b) feeling like they're active participants in the process, and c) management sympathy for their problems. These three highest priorities of employees can be met readily by a manager trained in emotional intelligence using active listening. Such an approach will draw management and labor closer together.


4. Feedback: All too often, American corporations ignore employee feedback. W. Edwards Deming identified employee feedback about work process and work conditions as essential to a corporations success. Companies need to ensure that management culture can effectively receive feedback from employees and help them feel safe in providing that feedback.


5. Treat Employees with Civility and Dignity: It doesn't take a graduate degree in organizational psychology to realize that workers who are treated with contempt and hostility, will be resentful workers. Anger management training within corporations will not work until any corporate culture of management's hostility towards workers has been transformed.

How can a corporation's culture be transformed? One person at a time. Implicit in assertive communication is respect for the other individual. Teaching collaborative and cooperative methods of work, implementing consensus processes, and encouraging employee leadership and expertise can go a long way towards creating a workplace liberated from anger.

workplace, anger, workplace rage, desk rage, management skills, managerial skills, TQM, power, power structures, anger management in the workplace

Great Bundle Deals from Anderson & Anderson

In order to save our customers money, we are bundling all of products. This will allow you to increase your effectiveness as an anger management provider, affiliate or client by having a wider array of our products for your use.

This from George Anderson's popular blog, Notes from the World of Anger Management. His online anger management store provides the best deals.

anger management, anger management classes, anger management training, anger management workbooks, anger management posters, anger management dvds, anger management cds

4 Benefits of Letting Go of Your Right to Rage

Personal Coach and author, Sharon Cook listed four benefits of letting go of rage.

Improved physical health:

Anger activates the body for an immediate fight. While this activation can improve one's odds of beating (perhaps literally beating) an enemy, when it persists for too long, or happens too frequently, it wears away your health, including excess stomach acid, immune system dysfunction, and cardio-vascular problems. Letting go of your right to rage allows you to reclaim your right to good physical health.

Improved relationships with others

The same skills that help to manage anger (assertive communication and emotional intelligence), lead to improved relationships. When anger is kept and cherished, it often turns into resentment. This resentment can poison one's entire life. Attributed to Buddha is the saying "Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and hoping that your enemy dies."

More positive outcomes attracted into your life

Focusing on life through the lens of anger causes one to see threats everywhere. Negative events become evidence that others cannot be trusted, that one is a victim. As any good life coach will tell you, this mindset leads to limitations and defeat, rather than positive outcomes and success.

A greater sense of peace and purpose and an easier time in being gentle with yourself

Being willing to forgive others, and practicing letting go of the past makes it much easier to forgive one's self. Practice accepting others and self-acceptance comes automatically. Cultivate a vengeful and judgmental attitude and self-hate will increase as well.

So it all boils down to what one desires in life: the "right" to be angry and the suffering that comes with it, or letting go of the "right" to be anger, and applying the skills of anger management to lessen your own anger and live a more abundant life.

Anger Words: Wroth

wroth. Pronunciation: ˈrȯth also ˈrōth. Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English "wrāth"; akin to Old High German "reid" twisted, Old English "wrīthan" to writhe. Date: before 12th century

Meaning: intensely angry : highly incensed : wrathful

Anger management skills can help prevent twisting one's life up with anger, can help prevent the writhing with suffering that anger leads to. Wroth. Wrath. Rage. It's good to develop a correct understanding of what something is.

Too often, anger masquerades as a powerful way of controlling the world. We imagine it our tool to keep us safe, to impose our will on the world. In reality, it keeps people from wanting to cooperate with us. We engender angry responses and even hatred when we use anger as our main tool. Instead of safety, we create suffering.

Learning to understand anger, learning to communicate assertively, learning to practice emotional intelligence, and learning the skills of stress management — these will enable us to live life more effectively. Certainly they will help us avoid writhing with twisted wrath.

[Next article Anger Words: Ire]

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wroth. (2009). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.
Retrieved August 2, 2009, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wroth

anger, rage, wroth, wrath, fury, anger management, anger management classes

Road Rage & Bumper Stickers

A study by Colorado State University social psychologist William Szlemko found drivers of cars with bumper stickers, window decals, personalized license plates and other "territorial markers" are more likely to be aggressive drivers.

It's a pity. Granted, one needn't be a genius to put a sticker on your bumper (as those still driving around with Bush 04 stickers prove), but personalizing a car, especially with a clever plate, seems more interesting.

This study supports the notion that IQ isn't enough. No matter how smart a person in this society is, no matter how creative, chances are that they've never learned the skills to handle anger well. And this translates to rage and tragedy.

I recently spoke with a person whose spouse had pursued another vehicle, resulting in a crash that killed their teenage daughter. Both parents are thoughtful people with plenty of psychological growth experiences. But neither had learned the skills of assertive communication or adequately developed their emotional intelligence.

Anger Management; consisting of understanding anger, learning to manage stress (and today's traffic can be a stressor), developing emotional intelligence, and learning assertive communications; can free up the creativity and genius that goes wasted when good people road rage.

The Fine Art of Apology

You lose your temper. You internalize your anger. You take it out on others. The best way to get over the guilt you feel, is to apologize.

Not being able to apologize, due to pride, ego or shame leaves you with a residual anger that can build over time and release itself again and again. The only way to really be free is to accept responsibility for your actions and make amends.

—Anger Management TV blog

To apologize means to turn away from the judgments and beliefs that led to anger in the first place. Apologize comes from the Greek "apo" (away from) + "logos" (logic / word / system of thought). Thus, to apologize is to move away from the logic that caused the anger in the first place!

Using the ABC's of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in an anger log or journal is an excellent way of preparing to apologize. It's a way to get your thinking straight.

Having a power phrase sounds like a great technique, too. It's an anchor one can use in the moment — whether to forestall anger itself or to contain one's emotions.

Taking a cleansing breath before using the power phrase can also be a great idea. A cleansing breath is a long, slow inhalation through your nose (keeps it slow), pausing for a heartbeat or two, then a long, slow exhalation through your mouth (loosens the jaw and facial muscles, promoting relaxation and parasympathetic nervous system activity). This will change voice timbre and body language and help calm the situation.

Addicted to Anger

If you had the ability to block pain would you use it?

If you could prevent yourself from hurting and feeling despair wouldn’t you?

Well that’s what many people do with anger. In essence there are a vast majority of people addicted to anger. When we are angry we don’t have to feel pain, we don’t have to feel anything but rage and disdain.

Like many drugs that block pain anger can also block positive feelings from flowing. It can stifle your creativity and your ability to process information correctly.

— Shannon Munford, Angry in L.A.

The change in brain chemistry associated with becoming angry is quite similar to the changes induced by methamphetamine. There have been cases of actual anger addiction where the addict would go on anger “runs,” becoming enraged as a way to avoid the come down into depression.

Addiction kills. Anger kills. Studies have shown up to a seven-fold increase in death rate for the most angry men. Ultimately, one must either recover or die. Recovery, from chemical addiction or from anger, means facing and accepting the pain we were medicating.

Anger management classes are one way of getting a handle on addiction to anger.

Anger and Self Criticism

Don’t be so self-critical. You won’t feel better about yourself is you constantly second guess your actions. You may have been told your whole life that you’re no good, but that doesn’t mean you have to believe it’s true. Letting go of what others think is the first step towards seeing yourself in a better light.

— Anger Management TV blog

Alas! The wording of this advice plays into the trap of self criticism. Imagine the inner voice:

I must not be so self critical.

I must not be so self critical about being so self critical.

I must not be so self critical about being so self critical about being so self critical ...

Enough already!

The very act of judging oneself reinforces the tendency to judge. Instead, a key anger management practice is to learn self-acceptance. Instead of the self critical self talk "I must not be so self critical" one could practice affirmative self coaching "I am learning to accept myself."

While this is an improvement on many levels, our self critical natures, established over many years rarely yield to coaching like this. "I am learning to accept myself" generally gets followed by the internal comeback "Yeah, right. I'm still too self critical."

It seems that simply affirming what one desires does not change deep judgments very well. Instead, one must cleverly align with the self critic's judgmental voice but twist the response to self acceptance.

I must not be so self critical.

[oops]

I am grateful for having such a powerful sense of right and wrong. My ability to criticize myself helps me to learn and to avoid mistakes.

This change, when practiced over time, can cause nearly a complete reversal of toxic self criticism. Self judgment settles down to the appropriate level of being the voice of a good conscience.

This technique of shifting long-established thought patterns is a goal of anger management and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Self coaching is a very powerful tool for implementing this shift. Practicing acceptance instead of judgment is a key principle of anger management and emotional intelligence. Self acceptance includes accepting one's tendency for self judgment. This enhances self esteem over the long run and immunizes one against petty bouts of rage.

My Private Theodores

Remember the Unabomber?

Ted Kaczynski with his wild hair
and unkempt eyes?
A lone hermit in a down
falling shack surrounded
by pencil stubs gnawed
and papers crumpled,
I imagine, rejected
bits of his manifesto.

It feels like my head is that lush
green mountain in Idaho or Utah or wherever
it was, it feels like my head
is filled with a whole goddam village
of Ted Kaczynskis, madly
scribbling their demands
of how things should be.

And then, when
nobody listens, or
nothing changes, or
doesn't change fast enough, or
they've just plain had it up to here no matter what,

KABOOM!

or sometimes just
a cranky fizzle
that cranks on and on driving everybody else
off that green mountain,
miles and miles away, to
California or Copenhagen, maybe, or
even to the blood red sands of Australia;
and all the dozens of my private Theodores
scribble madly on.

Afterward I wonder,
where is my brother,
who will know my raving,
who will turn me in?

Copyright (c) 2001, John Elder, All Rights Reserved

The Sledgehammer Anger Management Class

A student group at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Ind., has found a way to make money off the frustration that misbehaving computers generate.

On Thursday, the Association for Computing Machinery's Special Interest Group on Graphics and Interactive Techniques (ACM-SIGGRAPH) is holding Anger Management 101. Students can hit surplus computer equipment with a sledgehammer after paying a modest charge -- $1 for every 15 seconds with a maximum of one minute per student. Source: UPI-1-20070424-16380400-bc-us-computersmash.xml

At $240.00 per hour, this is much more expensive than your average anger management class! But is it effective? Doesn't it help anger management to occasionally smash something or blow off steam?

Studies say "no." While venting one's anger on an inanimate object may seem like an attractive option, it is not helpful. Often, people punch pillows, hit the wall, or smash things — but these behaviors only intensify anger in the end. Attempting to vent anger me feel good temporarily (because one gets the chance to burn off adrenaline), but it leads to increasing and intensifying hostile and aggressive behaviors.

Thich Nhat Hanh asks why a person would hit a pillow when they're angry "The pillow has done them no harm!" Anger does not exist in the object of venting - or even in the target of aggression. Our anger exists only between our own ears.

Since we create our own anger in our own minds, we must manage anger within our own minds. Tools such as keeping an anger journal help us do this. Taking an anger management class and learning the skills of non-violent communication, stress management, and emotional intelligence help us do this. Smashing things does not.

Free Anger Management: The Anger Journal

Managing anger - stuff you can do right now - and that won't cost you anything but time. It's free anger management! My mini-anger management program is quite simple. Each day for 30 days, keep an anger log with at least one entry per day. If a day goes by without you feeling angry, you can process a past angry event. I have a "long form" anger log, but the following few points can be memorized — it's as easy as A, B, C — and logged on the back of a napkin! Record the date on each entry ... it will help you see progress when you look back.

A. Activating Event - what triggered or invited your anger? You only get 3 lines to write about this; NO MORE! Writing more will just feed your feelings of justification for being angry. Just write enough to help your make sense of the rest of the log.

B. Beliefs/Judgments - it is impossible to get angry without judging the target of your anger. List as many of the beliefs and judgments that lead to anger as possible. Some of these will even be quite accurate and maybe even appropriate. Some may turn out to be quite irrational. Write them all down.

C. Consequences - what happened as a result of your anger? What did you do? Feel? Did you practice anger management? Did you blow up? What happened then? Etc ...

D. Dispute - go back to the B section. Challenge each of your beliefs and judgments - even ones that are "correct" do not help you if they lead to anger. So, ask if there is another perspective to take that is more helpful. What would be a more effective way of looking at things? Some of my beliefs I just have to laugh at, because they're so childish. Others, I have to take very seriously, and then look for a better perspective - because I do not want to be consumed by anger.

Do this at least once a day for 30 days ON PAPER and see how you change, how your approach changes. If you're not satisfied, I'll gladly refund my fee for this free anger management program!

Reduce Road Rage bumper stickers

I’m Officer D. J. Vanhee. Having been a Police Officer for ten years, I’ve worked a multitude of traffic accidents. In the past few years I've noticed Road Rage incidents on the increase. I've seen Road Rage cause everything from fender benders to full scale multiple vehicle fatalities. Because I have personally witnessed too many of these avoidable incidents, I feel compelled to increase awareness of this dangerous problem among the driving public.

A nice way to share a good sentiment ...

But I remember a time BEFORE anger management, when I'm sure a good number of souls in western LA County were perplexed to have just been honked at, flipped off, tailgated, and finally cut off by a little tan car with a "Practice Random Acts of Kindness" bumper sticker clearly visible!

An embarrassing nugget of my personal history. I'm in favor of reinforcing the idea (just like the LAPD squad cars with the "There's No Excuse for Domestic Violence" stickers) - I think it's a good start. Stay tuned for more about road rage and how to prevent it.

Road Rage Kills

Police said Bender and Luciano were exchanging obscene gestures with the driver of a green Chevrolet pickup truck for some distance as they headed south in commuter traffic.

The truck swerved into the left lane in front of Luciano’s 1998 Chrysler Sebring, causing him to lose control, cross the right lane and hit the guardrail, said Maryland State Police spokesman 1st Sergeant Russ Newell.

Luciano was the 1998 state wrestling champion in the 171-pound weight class for Northampton High School in eastern Pennsylvania. Neither victim was wearing a seat belt and both were ejected and pronounced dead at the scene

Often times crowded freeways and poor planning lead to impatience and frustration with traffic. Sometimes, misplaced competition leads drivers to antagonized each other. In this case, rude gestures led to a fatal crash and a manhunt for the driver of the green pickup.

Anger management skills could have helped save Luciano and Bender. Enhanced emotional intelligence would have helped them to be aware of their rising anger and the social intelligence would have reminded them not to antagonize others. Stress management techniques would have helped them to "shake it off." They could even have taken a tip from the movie Anger Management and said "Goosefraba" to each other. That would have gotten them both laughing instead of leaving them dead.

Equally, the driver of the green pickup could have "just said no" and ignored the decedents. By escalating a hostile exchange and swerving in front of the other vehicle he contributed to two unnecessary deaths.

Anger Hurts

Most of the accepted clinical data on anger management suggest that the most effective intervention is not counseling or psychotherapy but psycho-educational interventions. We accept this philosophy; see our model below. Therefore AngerHurts.com will also focus on providing as much information as possible to our visitors on all aspects of anger mangement. We encourage our readers to stop by our discussion board and share your experiences. This will help to strenghten others. As members of the American Association of Anger Management providers we are active in our support of new and innovative interventions that can be used to reduce the painful consequences that so often result from the inappropriate expression of anger.

I got to meet Carlos Todd today during our Executive Coaching workshop, led by George Anderson. Carlos is an intelligent, constantly thinking, energetic Certified Anger Management Facilitator from North Carolina. He is also a professional counselor there. During breaks, Carlos was constantly sharing innovative approaches to thinking about anger and anger management. He also took a bunch of pictures, which I hope to see up on flickr real soon.

A Day of Executive Coaching

The Anderson & Anderson model of anger management is the most effective and widely-recognized curriculum in the world. This model, which has been featured in Los Angeles Times Magazine, focuses on enhancing emotional intelligence and assertive communication while introducing behavior strategies for identifying and managing anger and stress. Our certification training and approved provider list are the industry standards and dominate the internet.

The Third day of Training is Executive Coaching. This training will include a demonstration of the contents and presentation of a ten hour Executive Coaching class along with assessment and Post Test.

I've had the pleasure of knowing and being mentored by George Anderson for over four years. Today I got to attend his famous executive coaching training. Executive coaching provides business and community leaders; professionals, such as lawyers and doctors; and law enforcement and criminal justice personnel with skills to avoid outrageous outbursts, to communicate more effectively and assertively, to manage their stress, and to increase their emotional intelligence and overall effectiveness.

Often executives are referred for coaching because of an angry outburst that creates a hostile work environment. Human resources departments frequently refer problem employees for anger management, but open classes are rarely appropriate for executives and managers with the same difficulties. Even professional partners in law firms and medical practices have been required to receive anger management.

Executive coaching allows this training to be done at a one to one level. It begins with an in-depth assessment procedure, using validated assessment tools, such as the Connover instrument and the EQ-Map. An individualized strategy is then mapped out with the client based on the results of the assessment. The client is expected to complete various practical assignments to help them strengthen personal deficits. This work is done one-on-one. After 10 to 20 hours of contact, a post-test is used to evaluate progress along with the client's anectdotal reporting.

This model has proven extremely effective for talent agents, corporate executives, physicians, judges, police officers, and even psychotherapists. I was very enriched by George's careful explanation of the material and getting the opportunity to see how the material is broken down for individual clients.

I look forward to beginning this work in my own practice.