Anger Words: Rancor

ran·cor
n. Bitter, long-lasting resentment; deep-seated ill will.

[Middle English, from Old French, from Late Latin, rancid smell, from Latin rancēre, to stink, be rotten.]
ran'cor·ous adj., ran'cor·ous·ly adv., ran'cor·ous·ness n.

rancor. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved August 27, 2009, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rancor

I was certain that when I looked up “rancor” I would discover that it was a cognate of “rankle,” perhaps with relationship to “couer,” French for heart.

So I was genuinely surprised to discover that the words are unrelated. Observe the wisdom of those who built the English language by daily using and borrowing words to represent ideas ... “rancor,” “long-lasting resentment” is signified by a word coming from the Latin for something that has spoiled, gone rotten, become “rancid.” (My freshman comp teacher told us that the "c" in Latin was always hard, so try saying “rankid” and the relationship with “rancor” will be much more obvious.)

How do we avoid this emotional stench, this rancidness of the mind and mood? Practice mental hygiene. One cannot help the thoughts that may flit into consciousness, but we have a choice on the thoughts we stay focused upon. When we dwell on a wrong we have suffered, when we fantasize about what the other party deserves, we poison ourselves.

The ABCD anger log process will help us to dispute these thought patterns. Dispute?!? But we've been wronged! Are you telling us that the only solution is to give in to wrong and injustice?

No. Not at all. The solution is to stop letting others live in your head rent-free. Time spent resenting, dwelling on past wrongs generates a fearful future. We become unable to find serenity and seek refuge in vengeful thoughts which further poison our minds.

While on many occasions an honest analysis will lead us to dispute our judgments and beliefs, there will be times when that analysis will end with, “but I was wronged.” On these occasions, we do not dispute the fact of being wronged. We accept it. We then ask “Is there a better way to think about this?”

Remember, holding on to your right to resent a wrongdoing is like holding on to your “right” to rub laundry detergent into you eyes. The Buddha has been credited with saying “Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Don't cling to your resentments, for they soon become rancid in your head and make all your thoughts stink!

[Previous article Anger Words: Rankle]

anger words, words, resentment, anger, mental hygiene

Anger Words: Rankle

ran⋅kle

–verb (used without object)
1. (of unpleasant feelings, experiences, etc.) to continue to cause keen irritation or bitter resentment within the mind; fester; be painful.
–verb (used with object)
2. to cause keen irritation or bitter resentment in: His colleague's harsh criticism rankled him for days.

Rankle comes to us through a long and twisted path. Our story begins in the Latin, with the word "dracō," meaning "serpent," from which our English word "dragon" descends.

The diminutive form is "dracunculus," meaning little serpent. Closely related to this is the Old French "draoncle," meaning "a festering sore." The verb draoncler, "to fester," was then formed in Old French, with an alternate form of the word, "rancler." Middle English borrowed "rancle" and "ranclen," as noun and verb, respectively.

Again, the history of a word teaches us a great deal. The word "rankle," with its sense of irritation, resentment, or bitterness reminds us of the venom in anger. "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other guy to die." (Malachy McCourt). Holding on to our right to be angry, our right to resent others, is just like holding onto a venomous viper, which keeps on biting us, leaving putrefying sores in our psyche.

An old trick from 12-step programs is to pray for those whom you resent. Pray for them to have the good things and blessings that you desire. If you don't believe in prayer, thinking of them and wishing for them to experience good things that they will enjoy may work the same way.

Using the ABCD anger log process is a way of determining how you are judging the object of your resentment and to begin to consciously reshape your thought process.

anger words, rankle, anger, anger management

Teaching as Improv

My sister, Cheri Gregory, writes in her blog, One Thing I've Learned:

But it’s the way of handling “errors” that draws me post powerfully to improv as a metaphor for teaching. When there’s dissonance, when things don’t go quite as expected, when a new idea flops, or when I misread a situation, none of these errors is deemed a failure.

In the paradigm of improv, errors are considered "competent mistakes."

And there is a world of difference (at least for me!) between being a failure and being a maker of competent mistakes.

What might this have to do with anger management and teaching anger management classes? I encourage you to read the three-part article, it certainly has direct bearing on how we teach.

But there's a meta-lesson in this as well. When we strive for the “perfection” found in the classical paradigm (go read the article already), we are never perfect enough, nor is anybody around us. Disappointed at ourselves, we lash out at the imperfections of others. When we live life with rigid expectations, we set ourselves up to be disappointed, shamed, and angry.

When we live our lives as improv, however, we notice our mistakes, and work them into our improvisation. We compose as we go. We strive for harmony, for fluidity, but we own our dissonance.

And when we're flexible, instead of raging at somebody who has "screwed up," we can riff off them, working with them to co-create something new.

I'm off to listen to Miles Davis ...

teaching, anger management, perfection, improvisation, harmony

Five Steps to Curb Workplace Anger

Gregory Kyles, at the Anger Management Institute of Texas wrote an article about workplace anger recently. he distilled a list of five steps to curb workplace anger:

Steps to curb Workplace Anger: Managers should be cognizant of the first signs of aggression. Absenteeism, late-coming, tardiness and deterioration in performance are some warning signals.
• Organizations should invest in Anger Management Programs at regular intervals to enable employees to express feelings and release pent-up emotions.
• One-to-one sessions with employees should take place regularly even when no problems are apparent. This helps prevent any lurking anger issues that may blow up later.
• Active listening and conversations in informal settings should be encouraged to make people feel at ease and open up.
• Proper systems for complaints and grievances must be established. Every complaint must be dealt with within a specified time frame.
• If an employee has to be terminated, it has to be done as civilly as possible. They should not be made to feel small and humiliated.

Let's consider these steps:

1. Invest in Anger Management: The skills of anger management, emotional intelligence, assertive communication, and stress management will help any employee to work more productively. Adding anger awareness for employees whose attitude or behavior is getting out of line is also useful. Large corporations may want to train their human resources or employee assistance professionals to provide these trainings in regular workplace classes or workshops.



2. One-on-one Sessions: Ideally, supervisors and management would have developed emotional intelligence and communications skills to be a helping person for their direct reports. Unfortunately, however, management is often a serious contributor to morale and anger problems. Bringing in an outside professional to assess work units, teams, and project groups can go a long way towards helping companies avoid not just violent outbursts of rage, but also passive-aggressive slow-downs by aggrieved employees.


3. Active Listening: According to a Kaiser Permanente internal document, employees are most motivated by a) being appreciated, b) feeling like they're active participants in the process, and c) management sympathy for their problems. These three highest priorities of employees can be met readily by a manager trained in emotional intelligence using active listening. Such an approach will draw management and labor closer together.


4. Feedback: All too often, American corporations ignore employee feedback. W. Edwards Deming identified employee feedback about work process and work conditions as essential to a corporations success. Companies need to ensure that management culture can effectively receive feedback from employees and help them feel safe in providing that feedback.


5. Treat Employees with Civility and Dignity: It doesn't take a graduate degree in organizational psychology to realize that workers who are treated with contempt and hostility, will be resentful workers. Anger management training within corporations will not work until any corporate culture of management's hostility towards workers has been transformed.

How can a corporation's culture be transformed? One person at a time. Implicit in assertive communication is respect for the other individual. Teaching collaborative and cooperative methods of work, implementing consensus processes, and encouraging employee leadership and expertise can go a long way towards creating a workplace liberated from anger.

workplace, anger, workplace rage, desk rage, management skills, managerial skills, TQM, power, power structures, anger management in the workplace

Anger Words: Ire

n. Anger; wrath. ire. (n.d.). The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Retrieved August 06, 2009, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ire

c.1300, from Old French ire (11c.), from Latin ira "anger, wrath, rage," from Proto-Indo-European base *eis-, forming various words denoting "passion" such as the Greek hieros "filled with the divine, holy," oistros "gadfly," originally "thing causing madness;" Sanskrit. esati "drives on," yasati "boils). ire. (n.d.). Online Etymology Dictionary. Retrieved August 06, 2009, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ire

"Ire" seems like such a 19th Century word, I cannot think of when the last time I heard someone use it in conversation, or even a speech. And who cares about Greek, Latin or Sanskrit?!?

The histories of words help us map how human beings think about experiences. This can help us better understand what a word or an experience means at a deep level.

"Ire" comes to English from Old French in the 11th Century, just as the Norman French invaded and conquered Britain in 1066. While plenty of other Old French words took their time finding a home in the English vocabulary, "Ire" took root immediately. Here is a question worthy of contemplation: "Why was the invaders' word for anger so quickly assimilated into the language?" (Feel free to speculate in the comments section)

We trace the word back to the Latin "ira" where it meant pretty much what it means now. And then the leap gets made back to a root language for much of the Western World, several thousand years ago. Look at all the related words: "filled with the divine," "gadfly," "thing causing madness," "drives on," and "boils."

"Gadfly:" a gadfly pesters and torments, and generally dodges all attempts to drive it away or smash it. That angry thought about a person or situation, the one you keep dismissing, just seems to keep coming back. The more you try not to think of it, the more you desire to think of it. And woe unto you when you focus on it — your tension levels climb, your blood pressure elevates, and in the midst of your favorite revenge fantasy you're killing yourself. This "gadfly" keeps coming back until you rid yourself of the judgments that give birth to the resentment and anger that haunt you. Using the ABCD process will set you free from this torment.

"Drives on:" How many times have you had a situation in hand, perhaps at the verge of resolution, but your anger drove you on, pushing too far, creating havoc and recriminations? Next time, take a time-out or cool-down period before you begin to try to fix things. Break off for more time-out as needed. This time away from the problem can stop anger and resentment from "driving on," driving you off an emotional cliff.

"Boils:" Sorta speaks for itself. When your anger boils, disengage immediately. Remember, to prevent boiling over, it's usually best to start with removing the heat! Take a time-out. Talk yourself down, practice self-soothing. Use the Anger Pyramid and/or the ABCD method. Don't boil over.

"Thing causing madness:" Yeah. Nothing like going insane with rage. Think of the Incredible Hulk or a Berserker. When rage overcomes you, your brain chemistry is radically altered — much like the effects of methamphetamine — and you are NOT in your right mind. You will do things that you long regret. The first solution to this madness is to STOP before you get there. Once you get there, take a deep and cleansing breath or three. Say nothing. Take a time-out. Walk or practice other self-soothing activities. Gradually normal sanity will return and you can practice more powerful anger management skills.

"Filled with the Divine:" When you are absolutely right and have the right to be angry, you are in the worst danger of your life. In this state of mind "god" is on your side, you may perhaps be his instrument of wrath. This is the worst madness of them all, because it tells you you are doing the right thing, that you are justified. Even when mad with rage, there is a nagging thought that you ought not to be so activated. But when you're "filled with the divine" all the brakes are off. The only way to avoid this carte blanche is to repeat the mantra "I am never justified in persisting in my anger." Take the time to work the ABCD process, the Angery Pyramid, take the time to self-soothe, to meditate or to pray. Do not continue to justify to yourself why this time your anger is "right." Even if the other party is 100% wrong (generally not the case), your anger will never make you 100% right, but it will make you 100% miserable.

[Previous article Anger Words: Wroth]

anger words, ire, etymology, commentary

Anger Words: Wroth

wroth. Pronunciation: ˈrȯth also ˈrōth. Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English "wrāth"; akin to Old High German "reid" twisted, Old English "wrīthan" to writhe. Date: before 12th century

Meaning: intensely angry : highly incensed : wrathful

Anger management skills can help prevent twisting one's life up with anger, can help prevent the writhing with suffering that anger leads to. Wroth. Wrath. Rage. It's good to develop a correct understanding of what something is.

Too often, anger masquerades as a powerful way of controlling the world. We imagine it our tool to keep us safe, to impose our will on the world. In reality, it keeps people from wanting to cooperate with us. We engender angry responses and even hatred when we use anger as our main tool. Instead of safety, we create suffering.

Learning to understand anger, learning to communicate assertively, learning to practice emotional intelligence, and learning the skills of stress management — these will enable us to live life more effectively. Certainly they will help us avoid writhing with twisted wrath.

[Next article Anger Words: Ire]

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wroth. (2009). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.
Retrieved August 2, 2009, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wroth

anger, rage, wroth, wrath, fury, anger management, anger management classes

"But it's not FAIR ..."

A new study found that people who thought they were treated unfairly were more likely to suffer a heart attack or chest pain. Those who thought they had experienced the worst injustice were 55% more likely to experience a coronary event than people who thought life was fair ...

Researchers found that the rate of cardiac events among civil servants who reported low levels of unfair treatment was 28% higher than for those who had no complaints. People who reported moderate unfairness saw their risk rise by 36%.

Unfairness. Victimization. Obsessing over injustices. Lethal.

One of the proven approaches to anger management is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), an approach that helps one to deconstruct the situations that trigger anger — specifically, to deconstruct the beliefs and judgments that lead directly to anger.

Often, people become angry in the face of unfairness or injustice. They judge the situation as wrong. It seems to threaten their sense of fairness.

While a strong sense of justice is admirable, becoming angry at injustice or unfairness is counter productive. The anger response does not change the situation, it only endangers the angry person.

Anger management uses CBT to guide one to deconstruct their own response to injustice or unfairness. It helps to clarify the judgments and invites the person to enhance their emotional intelligence by finding a new perspective on the situation. Often times keeping an anger log will help to create this new perspective. Sometimes it's simply enough to ask oneself "What is a more helpful way to view this situation?"

When there is a genuine injustice, this is not the practice of denial. Instead, finding a new perspective allows one to practice compassion and emotional intelligence while recognizing injustice. It encourages one to accept the situation, including one's own sense of outrage. It empowers one to step out of anger and into effective action.

The Emasculating Power of Anger

The December 2005 issue of Scientific American (p. 97) mentions that during stress (or anger), the functioning of the reproductive organs are suppressed. This is a useful survival trait — if you're trying to outrun a sabre-toothed tiger, you don't need an erection!

In our modern world, however, repeated stress and anger supresses the functioning of both male and female reproductive organs, sometimes even leading to infertility. This, too, is a survival trait — perpetually angry and stressed couples may not be able to reproduce. In a way it's nature's way of preventing child abuse.

A better survival trait, however, is learning to manage stress and anger. Anger management classes based on the Anderson & Anderson Model train students in the skills of stress management and help the to better understand and manage their anger. Additionally, they teach more effective communication techniques that can help prevent anger from surfacing in the first place. Finally, the teach emotional intelligence, which is the capstone in managing anger.

So guys, what will it be? A lifetime of $10 little blue pills or a few weeks spent learning to manage anger and stress?