The Fine Art of Apology

You lose your temper. You internalize your anger. You take it out on others. The best way to get over the guilt you feel, is to apologize.

Not being able to apologize, due to pride, ego or shame leaves you with a residual anger that can build over time and release itself again and again. The only way to really be free is to accept responsibility for your actions and make amends.

—Anger Management TV blog

To apologize means to turn away from the judgments and beliefs that led to anger in the first place. Apologize comes from the Greek "apo" (away from) + "logos" (logic / word / system of thought). Thus, to apologize is to move away from the logic that caused the anger in the first place!

Using the ABC's of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in an anger log or journal is an excellent way of preparing to apologize. It's a way to get your thinking straight.

Having a power phrase sounds like a great technique, too. It's an anchor one can use in the moment — whether to forestall anger itself or to contain one's emotions.

Taking a cleansing breath before using the power phrase can also be a great idea. A cleansing breath is a long, slow inhalation through your nose (keeps it slow), pausing for a heartbeat or two, then a long, slow exhalation through your mouth (loosens the jaw and facial muscles, promoting relaxation and parasympathetic nervous system activity). This will change voice timbre and body language and help calm the situation.