Five Steps to Curb Workplace Anger

Gregory Kyles, at the Anger Management Institute of Texas wrote an article about workplace anger recently. he distilled a list of five steps to curb workplace anger:

Steps to curb Workplace Anger: Managers should be cognizant of the first signs of aggression. Absenteeism, late-coming, tardiness and deterioration in performance are some warning signals.
• Organizations should invest in Anger Management Programs at regular intervals to enable employees to express feelings and release pent-up emotions.
• One-to-one sessions with employees should take place regularly even when no problems are apparent. This helps prevent any lurking anger issues that may blow up later.
• Active listening and conversations in informal settings should be encouraged to make people feel at ease and open up.
• Proper systems for complaints and grievances must be established. Every complaint must be dealt with within a specified time frame.
• If an employee has to be terminated, it has to be done as civilly as possible. They should not be made to feel small and humiliated.

Let's consider these steps:

1. Invest in Anger Management: The skills of anger management, emotional intelligence, assertive communication, and stress management will help any employee to work more productively. Adding anger awareness for employees whose attitude or behavior is getting out of line is also useful. Large corporations may want to train their human resources or employee assistance professionals to provide these trainings in regular workplace classes or workshops.



2. One-on-one Sessions: Ideally, supervisors and management would have developed emotional intelligence and communications skills to be a helping person for their direct reports. Unfortunately, however, management is often a serious contributor to morale and anger problems. Bringing in an outside professional to assess work units, teams, and project groups can go a long way towards helping companies avoid not just violent outbursts of rage, but also passive-aggressive slow-downs by aggrieved employees.


3. Active Listening: According to a Kaiser Permanente internal document, employees are most motivated by a) being appreciated, b) feeling like they're active participants in the process, and c) management sympathy for their problems. These three highest priorities of employees can be met readily by a manager trained in emotional intelligence using active listening. Such an approach will draw management and labor closer together.


4. Feedback: All too often, American corporations ignore employee feedback. W. Edwards Deming identified employee feedback about work process and work conditions as essential to a corporations success. Companies need to ensure that management culture can effectively receive feedback from employees and help them feel safe in providing that feedback.


5. Treat Employees with Civility and Dignity: It doesn't take a graduate degree in organizational psychology to realize that workers who are treated with contempt and hostility, will be resentful workers. Anger management training within corporations will not work until any corporate culture of management's hostility towards workers has been transformed.

How can a corporation's culture be transformed? One person at a time. Implicit in assertive communication is respect for the other individual. Teaching collaborative and cooperative methods of work, implementing consensus processes, and encouraging employee leadership and expertise can go a long way towards creating a workplace liberated from anger.

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Assertive Communication: You Always Say Never!

“Always” and “never” are two words you should always remember never to use. – W. Johnson

When we use absolute words like “always” and “never,” we create distance between ourselves and our partners. These words are judgmental, and generally an exaggeration that does more to hurt than to heal. They also disguise the true intent of our conversation.

Let's face it my wife doesn't “always” squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle. Most of the time she's not even in contact with the toothpaste tube.

I know, I know, that's the logic of a 12-year-old! Indeed it is, and one could argue that it's merely a semantic difference to say “It seems to me that you squeeze the toothpaste in the middle each day, instead of rolling it from the bottom.”

Yes, this second form is more accurate. But it's just as inflammatory as the accusation “You always ...”

The real problem with “always” and “never” is that they disguise your true needs and longings.

When I say “You always squeeze the toothpaste in the middle,” I actually mean to communicate “I don’t like it when you squeeze the toothpaste in the middle.”

When I say “You never make the bed,” I actually mean to communicate “I would like you to make the bed.”

For some reason we do not trust that simply making our needs or desires known to the other party will work. Using the absolute language is an attempt to control ... it is an exercise in passive-aggressive communication.

What would life be like if we could trust our partners with our needs and desires? What if we dared to risk saying “Honey, I am needing ... ?” This would be a powerful application of assertive communication.

Using more honest language to express your true intent replaces judgmental language, and draws people closer together instead of pushing them apart.

Who is your favorite target of “always” or “never?” How might you change your language — and attitude — towards them?

always, never, relationships, communication, assertiveness, emotional intelligence

Anger Words: Wroth

wroth. Pronunciation: ˈrȯth also ˈrōth. Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English "wrāth"; akin to Old High German "reid" twisted, Old English "wrīthan" to writhe. Date: before 12th century

Meaning: intensely angry : highly incensed : wrathful

Anger management skills can help prevent twisting one's life up with anger, can help prevent the writhing with suffering that anger leads to. Wroth. Wrath. Rage. It's good to develop a correct understanding of what something is.

Too often, anger masquerades as a powerful way of controlling the world. We imagine it our tool to keep us safe, to impose our will on the world. In reality, it keeps people from wanting to cooperate with us. We engender angry responses and even hatred when we use anger as our main tool. Instead of safety, we create suffering.

Learning to understand anger, learning to communicate assertively, learning to practice emotional intelligence, and learning the skills of stress management — these will enable us to live life more effectively. Certainly they will help us avoid writhing with twisted wrath.

[Next article Anger Words: Ire]

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wroth. (2009). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.
Retrieved August 2, 2009, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wroth

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Road Rage & Bumper Stickers

A study by Colorado State University social psychologist William Szlemko found drivers of cars with bumper stickers, window decals, personalized license plates and other "territorial markers" are more likely to be aggressive drivers.

It's a pity. Granted, one needn't be a genius to put a sticker on your bumper (as those still driving around with Bush 04 stickers prove), but personalizing a car, especially with a clever plate, seems more interesting.

This study supports the notion that IQ isn't enough. No matter how smart a person in this society is, no matter how creative, chances are that they've never learned the skills to handle anger well. And this translates to rage and tragedy.

I recently spoke with a person whose spouse had pursued another vehicle, resulting in a crash that killed their teenage daughter. Both parents are thoughtful people with plenty of psychological growth experiences. But neither had learned the skills of assertive communication or adequately developed their emotional intelligence.

Anger Management; consisting of understanding anger, learning to manage stress (and today's traffic can be a stressor), developing emotional intelligence, and learning assertive communications; can free up the creativity and genius that goes wasted when good people road rage.