Teaching as Improv

My sister, Cheri Gregory, writes in her blog, One Thing I've Learned:

But it’s the way of handling “errors” that draws me post powerfully to improv as a metaphor for teaching. When there’s dissonance, when things don’t go quite as expected, when a new idea flops, or when I misread a situation, none of these errors is deemed a failure.

In the paradigm of improv, errors are considered "competent mistakes."

And there is a world of difference (at least for me!) between being a failure and being a maker of competent mistakes.

What might this have to do with anger management and teaching anger management classes? I encourage you to read the three-part article, it certainly has direct bearing on how we teach.

But there's a meta-lesson in this as well. When we strive for the “perfection” found in the classical paradigm (go read the article already), we are never perfect enough, nor is anybody around us. Disappointed at ourselves, we lash out at the imperfections of others. When we live life with rigid expectations, we set ourselves up to be disappointed, shamed, and angry.

When we live our lives as improv, however, we notice our mistakes, and work them into our improvisation. We compose as we go. We strive for harmony, for fluidity, but we own our dissonance.

And when we're flexible, instead of raging at somebody who has "screwed up," we can riff off them, working with them to co-create something new.

I'm off to listen to Miles Davis ...

teaching, anger management, perfection, improvisation, harmony

Five Steps to Curb Workplace Anger

Gregory Kyles, at the Anger Management Institute of Texas wrote an article about workplace anger recently. he distilled a list of five steps to curb workplace anger:

Steps to curb Workplace Anger: Managers should be cognizant of the first signs of aggression. Absenteeism, late-coming, tardiness and deterioration in performance are some warning signals.
• Organizations should invest in Anger Management Programs at regular intervals to enable employees to express feelings and release pent-up emotions.
• One-to-one sessions with employees should take place regularly even when no problems are apparent. This helps prevent any lurking anger issues that may blow up later.
• Active listening and conversations in informal settings should be encouraged to make people feel at ease and open up.
• Proper systems for complaints and grievances must be established. Every complaint must be dealt with within a specified time frame.
• If an employee has to be terminated, it has to be done as civilly as possible. They should not be made to feel small and humiliated.

Let's consider these steps:

1. Invest in Anger Management: The skills of anger management, emotional intelligence, assertive communication, and stress management will help any employee to work more productively. Adding anger awareness for employees whose attitude or behavior is getting out of line is also useful. Large corporations may want to train their human resources or employee assistance professionals to provide these trainings in regular workplace classes or workshops.



2. One-on-one Sessions: Ideally, supervisors and management would have developed emotional intelligence and communications skills to be a helping person for their direct reports. Unfortunately, however, management is often a serious contributor to morale and anger problems. Bringing in an outside professional to assess work units, teams, and project groups can go a long way towards helping companies avoid not just violent outbursts of rage, but also passive-aggressive slow-downs by aggrieved employees.


3. Active Listening: According to a Kaiser Permanente internal document, employees are most motivated by a) being appreciated, b) feeling like they're active participants in the process, and c) management sympathy for their problems. These three highest priorities of employees can be met readily by a manager trained in emotional intelligence using active listening. Such an approach will draw management and labor closer together.


4. Feedback: All too often, American corporations ignore employee feedback. W. Edwards Deming identified employee feedback about work process and work conditions as essential to a corporations success. Companies need to ensure that management culture can effectively receive feedback from employees and help them feel safe in providing that feedback.


5. Treat Employees with Civility and Dignity: It doesn't take a graduate degree in organizational psychology to realize that workers who are treated with contempt and hostility, will be resentful workers. Anger management training within corporations will not work until any corporate culture of management's hostility towards workers has been transformed.

How can a corporation's culture be transformed? One person at a time. Implicit in assertive communication is respect for the other individual. Teaching collaborative and cooperative methods of work, implementing consensus processes, and encouraging employee leadership and expertise can go a long way towards creating a workplace liberated from anger.

workplace, anger, workplace rage, desk rage, management skills, managerial skills, TQM, power, power structures, anger management in the workplace

Assertive Communication: You Always Say Never!

“Always” and “never” are two words you should always remember never to use. – W. Johnson

When we use absolute words like “always” and “never,” we create distance between ourselves and our partners. These words are judgmental, and generally an exaggeration that does more to hurt than to heal. They also disguise the true intent of our conversation.

Let's face it my wife doesn't “always” squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle. Most of the time she's not even in contact with the toothpaste tube.

I know, I know, that's the logic of a 12-year-old! Indeed it is, and one could argue that it's merely a semantic difference to say “It seems to me that you squeeze the toothpaste in the middle each day, instead of rolling it from the bottom.”

Yes, this second form is more accurate. But it's just as inflammatory as the accusation “You always ...”

The real problem with “always” and “never” is that they disguise your true needs and longings.

When I say “You always squeeze the toothpaste in the middle,” I actually mean to communicate “I don’t like it when you squeeze the toothpaste in the middle.”

When I say “You never make the bed,” I actually mean to communicate “I would like you to make the bed.”

For some reason we do not trust that simply making our needs or desires known to the other party will work. Using the absolute language is an attempt to control ... it is an exercise in passive-aggressive communication.

What would life be like if we could trust our partners with our needs and desires? What if we dared to risk saying “Honey, I am needing ... ?” This would be a powerful application of assertive communication.

Using more honest language to express your true intent replaces judgmental language, and draws people closer together instead of pushing them apart.

Who is your favorite target of “always” or “never?” How might you change your language — and attitude — towards them?

always, never, relationships, communication, assertiveness, emotional intelligence

Great Bundle Deals from Anderson & Anderson

In order to save our customers money, we are bundling all of products. This will allow you to increase your effectiveness as an anger management provider, affiliate or client by having a wider array of our products for your use.

This from George Anderson's popular blog, Notes from the World of Anger Management. His online anger management store provides the best deals.

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Anger Words: Wroth

wroth. Pronunciation: ˈrȯth also ˈrōth. Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English "wrāth"; akin to Old High German "reid" twisted, Old English "wrīthan" to writhe. Date: before 12th century

Meaning: intensely angry : highly incensed : wrathful

Anger management skills can help prevent twisting one's life up with anger, can help prevent the writhing with suffering that anger leads to. Wroth. Wrath. Rage. It's good to develop a correct understanding of what something is.

Too often, anger masquerades as a powerful way of controlling the world. We imagine it our tool to keep us safe, to impose our will on the world. In reality, it keeps people from wanting to cooperate with us. We engender angry responses and even hatred when we use anger as our main tool. Instead of safety, we create suffering.

Learning to understand anger, learning to communicate assertively, learning to practice emotional intelligence, and learning the skills of stress management — these will enable us to live life more effectively. Certainly they will help us avoid writhing with twisted wrath.

[Next article Anger Words: Ire]

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wroth. (2009). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.
Retrieved August 2, 2009, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wroth

anger, rage, wroth, wrath, fury, anger management, anger management classes

Road Rage: Car vs. Bicycle

This image was snapped by a witness to a road rage incident where the driver of the car became enraged after the bicyclist shouted for him to slow down. The driver is being charged with 2nd degree kidnapping. The (literal) insanity that people can be "driven" to is amazing. I'm certain that sitting on his couch at home, James Millican (who drove the car) would have told anybody who cared to ask that he would never deliberately ram a bicyclist. But after being shouted at to slow down (and possibly having a few drinks), Millican allowed his reaction to drive him into some serious legal trouble. Fortunately, the cyclist was unharmed, and was able to get off the car when Millican slowed for an intersection.

Why would an otherwise sane human being do this? Once can only speculate ... but we know that anger does not come from external events, but rather from how we (choose) to think about those events. Millican must have felt some threat ... probably to his ego by the shouting cyclist. And once a person feels a threat, even just a psychic one, all bets are off unless they immediately use the tools of emotional intelligence and anger management to rein themselves in.

Self-knowledge and self-control, major components of emotional intelligence, would have helped Millican to not simply react, but to notice his thinking and his reactions and to contain them. Anger management skills could have helped him to de-escalate and behave in a rational manner. If emotional intelligence were considered as important as IQ, if it were taught in schools, Millican would likely not be facing charges and the incident would never have been newsworthy. After all, who can imagine a headline that reads Local Man Practices Anger Management and Avoids Committing Mayhem by Using Emotional Intelligence Skills Gained in Grammar School!

Anger management classes based on stress management help students realize that alcohol is a bad way to relieve stress. Emotional intelligence components help students to understand themselves and their triggers as well as to coach themselves through frustration. These techniques form part of the core curriculum of Anderson & Anderson's Anger Management and Executive Coaching curricula.

Happiness, Complexity, and Emotional Intelligence

Are happy people necessarily more complex people? To understand this counter-intuitive idea we need to begin with the importance of social capital. What exactly is social capital? It's described as an informal network of mutual aid and information exchange that keeps communities thriving. Crucially this network can act as a potential buffer against stress and alienation.

The irony: those who are happy are least susceptible to stress, and thus to anger. "Social capital" turns out to be a major benefit of practicing emotional intelligence. To know oneself and to control oneself lead to greater opportunities for happiness as well as being the foundations for emotional intelligence.

Anger management techniques, such as positive self-talk (essentially being your own coach) help to strengthen these abilities. Journalling on a regular basis can also help us figure out where difficulties lie. As far back as Aristotle, people have recognized that self-care, self-control, and self-awareness form crucial bases for happiness.

In Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam finds that happier people are more socially connected. This requires social awareness and relationship management—and also form a basis for emotional intelligence.

Maintaining meaningful social connections in a modern life that is ever more disconnected requires creativity and a willingness to embrace the more complex lives that go with holding down a career, commuting, being involved in family, and being a part of one's community.

Complexity leads to involvement and demands solidly developed skills of emotional intelligence. To some these seem to come naturally. Others require practice and growth, often times through executive coaching or an anger management class. But the dividends of greater happiness and less stress come to those who work for it.

Road Rage & Bumper Stickers

A study by Colorado State University social psychologist William Szlemko found drivers of cars with bumper stickers, window decals, personalized license plates and other "territorial markers" are more likely to be aggressive drivers.

It's a pity. Granted, one needn't be a genius to put a sticker on your bumper (as those still driving around with Bush 04 stickers prove), but personalizing a car, especially with a clever plate, seems more interesting.

This study supports the notion that IQ isn't enough. No matter how smart a person in this society is, no matter how creative, chances are that they've never learned the skills to handle anger well. And this translates to rage and tragedy.

I recently spoke with a person whose spouse had pursued another vehicle, resulting in a crash that killed their teenage daughter. Both parents are thoughtful people with plenty of psychological growth experiences. But neither had learned the skills of assertive communication or adequately developed their emotional intelligence.

Anger Management; consisting of understanding anger, learning to manage stress (and today's traffic can be a stressor), developing emotional intelligence, and learning assertive communications; can free up the creativity and genius that goes wasted when good people road rage.