Using the Anger Management Log
Effectively
Writing the date of the event on your anger log will
allow you to track your progress with managing anger over time.
Sometimes it can get discouraging when change seems to be coming too
slow. But going back and reviewing old logs may show you that you have
improved your anger management skills.
- Describe the event that triggered your
anger & how you responded:
Notice that there isn't much space for this? This is
not accidental! It's easy to put a lot of energy into excuses and
blame. The purpose of this log is to examine what went wrong so that
you can manage your anger better in the future. Just write down enough
to remind you of what happened.
- Give a synonym for your anger (furious,
annoyed, enraged, etc.) and rate your anger on a scale of 1 - 10.
How angry were you? It can be helpful to chart your
anger levels on a graph--doing so keeps you conscious and more focused
on anger management. There are many possibilities: graph each event,
graph the highest/average level for a given day/week/month, or graph
the total of your anger levels for each selected time period.
Listing synonyms helps you think of your anger more
descriptively. It's an exercise in emotional intelligence. By noticing
the synonyms you use the most frequently, you will learn about your
anger style in more depth. Then, you will be able to design more
effective anger management strategies for yourself.
- What were the first symptoms of your
anger--how did you first notice that you were angry?
Since anger activates the body and that activation
process can reduce conscious control of our anger response, it's very
important to notice the onset of anger as early as possible. The sooner
you notice that you're getting angry, the sooner you can begin managing
your anger. Thus, knowing your early symptoms of anger is a key to
anger management.
What thoughts were you having as you got angry? Rigid
thinking can predispose an individual to anger. Is there a pattern in
your thinking that leads to anger?
What physical cues did you notice as you got angry? A
knot in your stomach? A headache? Tension? A feeling of heat? Everybody
has different cues. It's important to know what your physical cues are
so that you can manage your anger before it gets out of control.
- What were the primary emotions that you
felt?
Anger is a secondary emotion. Beneath anger lie the
primary emotions that trigger it. What was hiding underneath your
anger? Learning to identify your primary emotions helps strengthen your
emotional intelligence. It also allows you to more clearly communicate
how you feel with others. This is a great anger management technique,
one that can disarm a fight before it gets started.
- What were your unmet emotional needs?
Negative primary emotions result from unmet
emotional needs. If you let the emotions progress to anger and then act
the anger out, it is unlikely that you will get your emotional needs
met. But, if you identify your emotional needs, you can work directly
to fulfill them--or to soothe yourself if they cannot be immediately
gratified. By identifying your emotional needs you develop strong
emotional intelligence and prepare yourself for more powerful anger
management next time those needs arise.
- What factors made you more prone to
anger in this situation?
Sometimes we get angry because we're hungry or
tired. Other times, a repetive situation sets us off. If other factors
contributed to your anger, it's a good idea to know about them. Maybe
next time you can deal with them and stay calm.
- What beliefs led you to the anger path
in this situation?
How did your assumptions and interpretations of the
situation contribute to your anger? What beliefs was your anger based
on? An important step in anger management is noticing beliefs that can
lead to justifying anger and challenging them.
- What cognitive distortions did you
experience?
Download the Cognitive
Distortions Worksheet for a list and explanation of cognitive
distortions. Often, our twisted, distorted thinking leads us into anger
when we rational thinking could have helped us to stay calm.
Identifying your cognitive distortions is an important anger management
skill, along with catching "stinking thinking" and redirecting your
thoughts into a healthy process.
- What anger management steps did you
apply?
Keep track of how you practiced anger management.
How effective were you? Did it work well, or do you need to try a
different approach next time?
- What would you like to do next time?
Plan for future anger management. How could you have
improved your handling of this situation? What could lead to a better
outcome.
- What amends do you need to make?
Frequently, our anger harms others, as well as
ourselves. What can you do to help heal the situation?
- To yourself?
Your anger damages you. What do you need to do to
help yourself heal?
- To others?
What do you need to do to help others who were either
the targets of your anger, or who witnessed it, feel better? Are there
relationships that you need to mend? Damage to repair?
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